Wednesday, October 31, 2001


i just read that shaggin sentence from the fairy tale thing......not very good is it....lots of redundancy....


no time for editing :( novel tomorrow :(

bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger!

Oh yeah, penis names. Ralph. If you've ever read Forever by Judy Blume, you'll know what I mean. And you can call the chapter with the afterglow "Emission Impossible".

Harry: Polymorphic servants of evil, procreating (brother and sister!) in the darkness, and a demonic gestation period of from-dusk-till-dawn. TWO THUMBS UP

Pol: Harrymorphic ... no wait. Penis names. Depends on if it's narration or the characters talking about it themselves. If it's narration, then you are bound by your publisher's guidelines, and If It's Art, you can go over these boundaries. Ref. soft porn vs hardcore porn. I have found that the most offensive material doesn't have to mention items or body parts explicitly: Ref. the `squicking' fiction available at quality establishments such as the Church of the Subgenius. If the characters are talking about their willies, then you have to imagine what names they might have for their bits, which might fall into categories such as class, education, and ego. "Ma wee bebeh broom", as opposed to "Sir Whack-a-lot". This has been a community service announcement.

Tuesday, October 30, 2001

if you look closely mr sigerson.

you'll see that there is shagging!


hang on i'll find the actual part:
"That night instead of their usual behaviour, the two of them lay together in the darkness and just before the light of the new day was beginning to emerge, the daughter gave birth in silence."


you might be story fly boy, but i am subtle shagging, if only the 2 lesbians would be so quiet.

i had a coat once :-(

Pol - my mind is still reeling from watching you come up with an amazing plot on the fly... nuts!
Harry - yes, your story is amazing... damn you!!

I'll get me coat.

Yes young Harry most upsetting as a good faery tale should be.
Though there was no shagging,which I always think is the mark of a good story.
This is how I am going to begin my book
"I don't normally write in to theses sort of magazines but..."
Anyone know a good arty way of saying "cock" or "Jizzed off" ?
Just asking.

I'm all itchy.



wow. bloody wow.

Harry, you have the soul of a Grimm. Your prose drips with sincerity and warm cozy feelings. That story was to me as tomato soup with some black pepper and full cream milk. I finished it and felt totally sated. You rock.

Harry - I'm worried that I'll run out of words, or use up all my funny on this blog - having said that, I came up with another idea for a novel yesterday... very strange. I also set up a Melbourne Nanowrimo list so that we can all witter on about pen fetishes and suchlike. Cause, of course, we'll have the time! On a good note, it's been brought to my attention that next tuesday is Melbourne Cup day, so we get the day off... more time to procrastinate!

Monday, October 29, 2001

looks like i'm becoming the most frequent poster on this blog type thing.

oh well.

least i can jump really, really high.

just quick before bed (bloody writing & it's time taking thingy) but i've finished a draft of my fairy taley thing i've been working's not perfect, in fact it's far from it, but i'm pretty happy to let people read what i have...i realise that i still have trouble with descriptive stuff, and with flow and the like, but hopefully practice'll make perfect.

to read click here

nah, i'll be joining you downstaris mr sigerson, turns out that all of those puppies i sacrificed in gods name, isn't actually what he wanted....bloody spelling mistake & bloody deities wanting poppies...when i get my hands on him, i'll give him the worst hand-job he's ever had!

however, i digress:

welcome to our writing insanity pol.
with your brain type appendage, i'm sure you'll have no trouble.

The good sir H put in the hard yards,did a good thing in a bad situation and generally distinguished him self as an all round good egg.
I on the other hand didn't care enough.So it's upstairs for "Haitch" and downtown for me.

On a less suical note I have signed up to do the nanowrimo thing.
elenth hour or what?....I type very slowly,I doubt that I will make the grade no matter how low it is,but nothing ventured,nothing bitten off by guard dogs.

Yipes the boss just caught me blogging

Sunday, October 28, 2001


do i have some kind of fucking sign on my head that reads:





for the second time since coming here, i've had to talk people down.....i don't know what i'm doing! i have no idea why you shouldn't fucking kill yourself. do it..stop whinging about it..and fucking do it.

third times the charm....if only i could find them :)

anyway, let me take this opportunity to officially distance myself from all other mentally ill people who might want a shoulder to cry on...yes it's hard...yes you will feel like nobody cares, and it's not that i dont, but i have problems of my own...however, i will do my best, but if you want to will die. i've been there & it sucks, but there are ways through just have to find them. and sorry, but there is no magic bullet, or fairy, or easy're gonna have to do some work.


on a happier note: :-)

i think i might have decided to stay.
although my reasoning is pretty flawed, but it offers valuable insight into my head :)

me and my parents, who are here for a week, were sitting in the daimaru building, having a drink. just outside the big towery thing. they were talking about their breakfast in the b&b where they're staying and my mum mentioned how she really liked the bread they'd had that had yellow bits and she thought it might have been soy bread.

that's when it hit me.

i don't want to live somewhere that i don't have ready access to different kinds of bread...even though i have these weird food-anxiety related things and can't really go to restaurants properly yet...

i'd still rather live somewhere that soy bread was a normal occurence. not a glitch.

so yeah, feel free to completely question my sanity..i know many people at tonights nanodrinko did :-) but it's better than just basing it on the shifting of the clouds.

Saturday, October 27, 2001

love the picture noodle.


where's my axe?

for wood you understand.

and noodles.

Friday, October 26, 2001

Bill, it was at Rotten :) ... and if they block this, they're cunts. 80s arcade/video game themed filmclip for Daft Punk's "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" (Flash). Here's a funny story about Daft Punk ... they participated in a secure-music-initiative scheme, probably at gunpoint from their label. But if you go to the sites in question ... DaftCard and DaftPunk ... and you look up 'well I don't have a PC, what do I do now' in their FAQ ... you'll find some curious advice. "Try Napster."

In related news, Ms Noodle and I find ourselves at a loose end this evening - any suggestions for conspicous tucker consumption and red wine imbibage? Hey here's a question - what is feisty going to call herself after we get married? Feisty Bob? Feisty Noodle-Bob? Suggestions welcome.

Every. Single. Time. that Mr 4.0 places a link on this blog, I click on it, and find myself confronted by this:

The Web content you are trying to access has been restricted.

You have been busted - your attempted access has been logged.

Do you think they're trying to tell me something?

Well I'm gonna kill you with the Best. Sexually. Explicit. 'Engrish'. Ever.

Thursday, October 25, 2001

in the interests of sharing:

click here

or here

i've just wasted some of your life. and you'll never get it back. one minute at a time..that's how i'm killing you :)



how dare you mr bill!

i can already do a fantastic john hannah impersonation.

can i just wear my suit (cos it actually looks pretty good, and i don't get to wear it that much) and pretend to be some kind of john cusack........


sounds like you scammed a bag o loot, mr harry - and if you've got a suit you can now do a fantastic john hannah impersonation. Keep in mind that everyone needs to begin thinking about their costumes for our new housewarming party. The theme is going to be "From the penitentiary to the graveyard - a criminal lifecycle". It's a long story.

Wednesday, October 24, 2001

parents + planes = stuff.

got me the day today videos...if only novels weren't so soon :( we'll need to have an afternoon break for these methinks.

and for miss noodle....vic reeves big night out & the shooting stars video special.

and my suit & my assasin coat & my geetar books. oh yeah, it's like christmas..which i ruined apparently.

and it hasn't been that bad today. reckon i might even be able to get through this week ok.......i like my mum, but my dad's a bit odd :)

6 days & half counting.

Fuzzy: given that the conspiracy goons, currently going 'Fucko Bazoo'(tm), often whisper that the majority of current world leaders are actually reptilian aliens, twisting the course of the planet's development for their own nefarious links, then the 'Ming the Merciless' quip might contain more irony than the author intended.

Pol: You got drunk to the point of transgressing your latent homosexuality? AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME?

whoops, time's up at the Library. Damned communists!

as they used to say in the comics of my youth,they proabably still do say that
but now with swearing .
I and the delightful miss Ian Malcolm bacame drunk last night,to the
"Your me best mate,evvybuddy else..CUNTS"
stage,lots of hugging and drunken male bonding etc
Ouch,my sainted noggin throbs like a good'un.
Ah what a cruel master is Mr BEER.
Anyway I salute you all.
Mr Pol Sigerson

Jeb has got it right - anyone's who's been engaged in the search for gainful employment on the nerdbox should find this tres amusant...... stolen with aplomb from Miss Helen <- she talks!

Well, what's worse? This afternoon I felt the beginnings of my `Martin Bryant' anxiety attack (if you believe the conspiracy theorists, Bryant was an incompetent marksman who didn't know an automatic rifle from a 2B pencil, and he was dropped in the shit after someone else popped all the diners at the Broad Arrow. But I digress), the one where I imagine "how many Pinks could I send to Bob if some SAS goon dropped a Steyr in my lap right now?" while I was walking down the Bourke St Mall. Harry, if you can hold on until the Erection, write your deepest danky doom dark doomy dank thoughts on your ballot. I intend to write vague, cryptic threats on mine, threatening to kidnap, tie and gag the prettiest senator and the ugliest senator and then indulging in some disney copyright violation by making a 'beauty and the beast' video, complete with fur and Linda Hamilton.

So who liked the cat?

Tuesday, October 23, 2001

tense nervous headache?

back pains?

lack of concentration?

maybe your parents are coming over...and maybe they're gonna be here tomorrow...and maybe, just maybe, it's just hit you and you're freaking out big time...and maybe you're going to see your counsellor the morning before hand to tell her how you think about death a lot...and maybe she's off on holiday for 2 weeks...

or maybe you've just got a headache. and should stop complaining, read bird by bird..remind yourself why you keep doing all of this nonsense...breathe and just get the fuck through it.

I always thought Da Stormtroopaz would make a great Public Enemy-like `S1W', their `back-up vocals militia'.

Bill, and other Star Wars fans, behold the bounty of The Meme Pool ...a Star Wars Trilogy Rap Medley. Cool! Now the Jedi religion have their own daggy `religious' pop music.

no fleagle i scammed it off luke

Memetracking: Bill, where did you find out about that comic? I thought they were piss funny too, but now I'm wondering, where did you find out about it? the null device or The Register?

My favourite was

But what really brought tears to my eyes were the following -- you may wish to add `suddenly agitated' cat noises while viewing these.

Sometimes, I could kiss the SomethingAwful forums. But seeing as they're USD$10 to join these days ... you folk are just going to have to put up with me recycling their fucked, jaded sense of humour.

Monday, October 22, 2001

Feh, this is a classic case of `the original was better', as you will find out from the article. There was something about this experiment in a New Scientist I have floating around here somewhere. (I do wish my sister would hurry up and pay the gravity bill. It's getting very irritating having to piss into a plastic bag.) I like the part how they took all the psychos out at the start, and made sure they only had `normal' and `nice' people take part. What did they learn? That the `normal' and the `nice' folk are the ones who you have to watch! They're the real psychos! I'm just worried that when this goes to air, the Sc*ologists are going to have a fucking field day. "Pychologists are bad, come do our test instead" etc etc.

Harry said "this is our world children. remember to sleep tight."

I say, "this is our world. remember to sleep with tight children." Well, I would, if it wasn't illegal to talk about child pornography.

Oh, and how about this magazine ad ... apologies if you've seen it before. It pre-dates the new era of US vulnerability to terrorism by a few months.

i'm only gonna say 2 words:




crap, that's 3 words....this novel thing is not gonna go well! anyway, click your clicky thing here to be very, very, scared...

this is our world children. remember to sleep tight.

Oh deary me - I haven't laughed this hard since Aunty Madge caught her tits in the mangle..... here

Friday, October 19, 2001

Greetz and mad propz to ya Pol, `twas nice seeing ya at St Kilda that time, the small irritating children didn't know what hit `em. Ms Noodle, resident Skippy tha bush kangaroota regrets to inform pale Englisher that fried everything that shouldn't be fried has been available in rural victoria for donkey's years. Mars bars, icecream, root vegetables, missing pets, etcetera. 50,000 words? That's about the amount of schoolwork I've missed doing this internet nonsense. Does writing a pseudo-personal-diary count in this Nanowrimo nonsense? I promise at least half of it will be made up. I don't have the TIME nor the PATIENCE to make up `pretend' characters, I already have a `pretend' me: the one that wears a black body stocking and sneaks around late at night licking people's rear-view mirrors. Cut!

And, for those of us who are neither me nor Pol, have a look at the link Pol sent me - pseudodictionary - is very funny...

Yaaay Pol, you made it!!

Hullo there fiestynoodleblog type of persons that are here doing the thing that is to be done at this time and place ...oh yes.
My first blog,I is an excitement of man in a office typing type of thing on the word blender that talks to phone to you and computer too.
All is clear in head,vividity as far as the eyes,all else wrong not rite oh no.
thank you and good

err.... I thought I told you... and I'm pretty sure you were standing next to me when I wrote some of it. But.... ahh, well, you're not so bad, Bill.... so I'll probably only make you wash up for the next seven months. *giggle*
(Harry - ever noticed that 7 pops up a lot too?)

you know, i could be accused of being a bad fiance. Not only did I not know where the novel blog was, I was in fact blissfully unaware of its existence. Clearly, I should be shot, or at least be told that I have tiny little worms living in my eyes. And now back to your regular programming.

Thursday, October 18, 2001

heh heh.

i somehow don't think that evolution has much place for myopic, obese, pale, rsi inflicted, socially inept people.

and just so i don't look like a whiner.

Reasons to stay in aus #3: (3's are everywhere & i don't know why)
last week i won a tv.
this week i won a poster.

for my entire life i have never won anything. nothing. not a sausage. maybe my luck is changing.

and i really, really reckon i've fixed the novel. although i'm starting to worry that miss noodles + fuzzies are easily gonna be better than mine. better start writing those gratuitious sex scenes then:

"but noah, why can't you let us on the ark? it's so very, very hot out here in the sun and we need to get out of these sweaty clothes. Oh look, it's started to rain & all we have is these flimsy robes."

i'll make meeeeeeellllllllllliiiiiiiioooooooonnnnnnnnssssssss!

I've got an almost 'crocodile hunter' style past with strange poisonous things... #1 - when I was in Thailand, I got stung by a scorpion - late at night, sitting on a boulder outside with some people, I moved a little rock with my feet and BAM! About 5 minutes later I realised if I was going to die, it would have happened already... #2 - clambering around cliffs on the great ocean road, I saw something move, so I went to have a look - and saw a brown snake rear back up at me, before my boyfriend yanked me to safety and gave me a 45 minute lecture about Australia having millions of poisonous animals... #3 - going to bed one night, I saw a white tail on the wall just above my pillow, even though I prefer to hurl spiders out of the window (watch them fly!) I decided to kill this one, and ran off to get a newspaper to squish it. Came back, couldn't find it, thought better of sleeping there and transported lamp, alarm clock, duvet, book and pillows (after shaking them!) into the living room and slept on the couch. Next evening when I came home from work, decided to check for the white tail and at the same time clean up my bedroom, couldn't find it, saw a bit of knotted cotton on the floor (I had been sewing) picked it up, wondered why it wasn't soft, had a closer look.... at a squashed white tail. The icky thing was, I must have squashed it with my bare feet the night before... Oops!

Reasons to stay in Australia #11 (one of a series)
11. Deep fried mars bars haven't reached here yet.

Spelling mistakes that are more amusing than your original point:
Deep fried mars bard.... an all new shakespeare crunchy snack - from space!

I'll shut up now.

Wednesday, October 17, 2001

i know what you mean about the whole character thing.
although, unlike their real-life equivalents....these people do exactly what you want :) *megalomaniacal laff*


and if anybodies interested.

good reason for not staying here: white tailed spiders that bite you & your skin falls off...strangely not really that up for that!

oh yeah.

and i might have fixed my novel :) good job i got that backup one rattling around!

and so to bed, to bed.

Aww, you guys... :-) I spoke to Tanya (umm, that is the girl in Bite who isn't Emma, isn't it?) this morning, and she's freaking out too... although last night, I was thinking that if I can do 3000 words in 24 hours, I can take every 2nd night off... Bill, I think for your own safety, you should get the PS2 chipped, and start buying... uhh, cheaper games....

It's quite strange when characters take on a life of their own - Crispin - aka the devil - is really developing that way, I find myself thinking "that's the kind of thing Crispin would say".... he's almost Chalfenist in character. (If you don't get the chalfenism reference, read 'White Teeth' by Zadie Smith, and you will.

Speaking as someone who writes an average of 1000 to 2000 words a day, every day, I hate to say this but i told you so. I think the best plan for you lot is to write and write and write and write. Start now. Not on your novel, but get your hands and your mind used to churning out endless paragraphs of tripe. The only way to overcome writers block is to write. Anything. Good luck. May the force be with you. (or is it the Force)?

Tuesday, October 16, 2001

you're not along miss noodle :

2000 words a day is just a number....until you sit for 2 hours & only get 1500, & realise you'll need to do this + 500 words every day.

oh. dear.

Is anyone else starting to freak out about Nanowrimo yet? 50,000 words is a helluva lot, and I'm only little...

Saturday, October 13, 2001

bugger. wrote something & it went! bloody computers.


that is my suitcase.

i've been looking for that!

god my brain hurts.
i've been writing for most of today. i got the first draft of my little fairy story done. the one i told you about miss noodle. the one with the demon children & i've been doing 2nd drafty things to it at the same time as doing the second draft of the other short story that i wanna's going quite well.

apart from the fact that if my novel turns out to be of the same standard as my usual first drafts it's gonna suck the chocolate straight out of a donkey.

Noodle: img tag & href tag are not interchangable. HTH. HAND! Hope this helps! Have a nice day! I'm learning so many new and interesting acronyms now that I'm trolling alt.religion.kibology like a motherfucker. Only just recently some fuck-knuckle jesus freak cross-trolled about 7 different newsgroups about Jebus and Gawd and stuff. I consider my response to be something of a work of art:

The Ricketts wrote:

> The Bible has not been rewritten and so God's Truth has not been rewritten.
> Because MAN has tried to use the Bible for their own benefit is no fault of
> God's. You continue to misrepresent the truth in the Bible for deviant
> individuals interpretations as some fault of God's word. Greg.

Which Bible do you read Greg? The King James version? The kooky Mormon
one or the one with the bit by Enoch? The Good News one that had been
translated into Arabic (HA!) that I found in the rubbish the other day?
The Catholic one? I got your bible *right* here, Greg.

I want my 3733T pH4Xx0R B1BL3!!1

1|\| `|'H3 B361|\||\|1N6, `|'H3R3 \/\/45 |)4R|<|\|355.
4|\||) |)4 |_0R|) S41|), "|_3`|' `|'H3R3 B3 0-3 D4Y \/\/4R3Z!"
4|\||) `|'H3R3 \/\/45 \/\/4R3Z.
4|\|D `|'H3 |_0R|) PL4Y3D `|'H3 \/\/4R3Z,
4|\|D `|'H3 |_0R|) 54\/\/ `|'H4`|' 1`|' \/\/45 600D.
35P3(14|_|_Y QU4|<3 4.

Boy, they're gettin' weird over at AND A GOOD THING TOO!!1

My Smurf Name is Megatron Smurf. Megatron Smurf was the one violating Smurfette with his glistening silver appendage in one of those rare deleted episodes. Cartoons aren't what they once were, are they?

Harry, congratulations on having the coolest Robot personality thus far. Your reward is not being Robocop. Is this your suitcase?

Friday, October 12, 2001

Ahh, some things just need to be blogged... like red meat for example.

Hmmm apparently, moo goo gai is an asian chikkin recipe... well, we'll just have to see what charmaine and stephanie say about that, won't we! (umm, charmaine and stephanie wrote our cookbooks, and I believe everything they say.)

Well I'm at least a cool smurf. I get to be Maximus Smurf.

And then I did the smurf test.... and I'm Moo Goo Gai Smurf... go figure. Smurf is to French people what grunt/flunky is to the rest fo the world.... That'll teach people not to say I'm not completely full of useless information.. bah.


i get to be :

Click here to find out what robot you really are


I get to be...
You're a twat, Harrison Ford.

Wednesday, October 10, 2001

cunting fuck.

caption these images.
Click here to find out what Dolphin you really are!

that survey said I was roy batty, so keep an eye out kids, one twitch and BOOM the turtle gets it.

I writ this post a few million times and blogger ate it. the FAGOT!1

[Dolphin: Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher
naked on a cold day!]

[Sorry ... wait ... I've got an erection ... there it goes. Okay Mr
Spencer, you can take your art picture now.]


how fascinating, I'm a dildo with legs that goes beep.

Click here to find out what robot you really are

Tuesday, October 09, 2001

of the day.
"Gustatory" (adj), Of or pertaining to the sense of taste.

Instead I seemed to be
drawn to countries with the worst food imaginable,
places like Turkistan and Africa, where
every day you woke up hoping you could avoid
gustatory terror but knowing that before you slept again,
horrible things would be going inside your mouth.
The best strategy was simply to try to eat as little as possible.
But I seemed cursed by an ever hopeful palate.
"Termites? Termite larva? Could be interesting. I'll try a handful."
This was never
a good idea.

Stuart Stevens, Feeding Frenzy

Monday, October 08, 2001

come up with this:
kind of cool :)

i just wanted to know if they barked or not.

and they do...although not very much..apparently most of their communication is done using body, that's gonna make my stuff harder to write....i've already had them howling & barking....bugger..... oh well.......

oh & this isn't for the novel :) but the other one i've been saying i'm gonna finish for ages....& i will....just been writing, but wanted to make sure wolves bark....

fixed it with my amazing html hacking skills 'o fun (tm)

by harry, aged 5. and a quarter

I think my blog gets archived monthly - so it's here until then. Hey ho.

That's a plan Harry

Let's just post a lot until it drops off

Make sure to put lots of linebreaks in your posts


But I don't have anything to say


At least you had to read this far

To find that out

Maybe we could have a Haiku competetion.

I'll start

My bum smells quite bad
Maybe it was the curry
Or the rancid goat

your turn:

sorry guys.

i realise that my yargh has kind of broken the blog :)

but when i go to edit it, it doesn't the only way to get rid of it is to keep posting till it drops off the end.

Bah. If I was you, Detective, I'd be very very careful about talking about people stealing two hours of your life. Legally Blonde was NOT a seminal experience. But you did buy me a batman comic, so you've been given a temporary stay of listbeingon. (No, it's not a word, but I just made it up and you knew what I meant so nyer.)

rock on

Friday, October 05, 2001

Little chef? Fun for the whole family? about as much fun as eating 3 day old dessicated sausage rolls served from the bain marie by a dribbling, slothful, monster-eyed adolescent.


Thursday, October 04, 2001

you'll like this eve: click here

found it while 'researching' stuff for me novel!

shatner, i'd fight william shatner.

or james cameron. for the cliched, badly filmed, badly written piece of pulp buffy-wannabe sci-fi crap that was "dark angel"

that i've just watched!

that's 2 hours of my life i'm never getting back.



I'm coming for you! lock your doors!

If I could fight anyone, I'd fight Angela Bishop.


Wednesday, October 03, 2001

got it!

my final 2 chapter titles.

i'm looking at them though & thinking i might rejig them :) we'll see how the early planning phases go.........still got this other bloody short story to finish first though :(

  1. It's like trying to breathe glass.

  2. crushed by the hand of god, kissed by the mouth of madness.

  3. if i hold you like tomorrow you might die, well that's because you might.

  4. caught somewhere between the burning and the blisters.

  5. Blink & move away.

  6. like to like, dust to dust.

  7. fell ill inside eternal winter, stood still beside eternal flame.

  8. Random acts of senseless violence

  9. Eat, sleep, dream, die

ah the joys of rummaging through old notebooks looking for inspiration :) depending what happens i might also lose the two which are song lyrics & therefore not really mine.

anyway, there's more at my kind of novelly web-sitey thing..i'm doing a miss noodle & keeping track of things on-line. we'll see how it goes.

but yay, 9 chapter lines :)

it's all downhill from here.

Monday, October 01, 2001

Hey Alex, are you going to do NaNoWriMo with us? It'll be fun, in a doing-your-homework-on-the-bus-on-the-way-to-school kind of way. Well hopefully. But having said that, I've already got half of mine planed out in my head, so I kind of have a head start. But you have until the first of November, so even though it's crazy, it might just work...

That stuff about Bush and his dodgy dealings is pretty scary, by the way... just goes to show that if you just scratch - nay, tickle - the surface, there's loads of dodgy stuff going on... By the way, while we're on the subject of the good ole US of Stateside - does anyone have any more info on the Pakistani guy who was in jail in Hamburg (I think) who tried to warn the US government of the September 11th attacks 2 weeks prior? He (apparently) at one point got through to some official, but because he was being detained, the US guy hung up on him... oops!