Friday, January 31, 2003

rubbish monkey

Thursday, January 30, 2003

I was OSX

which I understand to be quite good.

How pitiful of me to be encouraged by a web quiz

curiouser and curiouser... novelty taxidermy of the last century. Warning: not particularly kitten or gopher friendly.

Arses.

Which OS are You?

Which OS are You?

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

i don't remember a dog running into our class when i was at school :/

but a cat keeps running into our office at work.

Saturday, January 25, 2003

well i will post this now so you will see it tomorrow..or the day after or yesterday...time zone confusion.
Anyway.Happy australia day to you all,doesn't mean much I know,but it is a day off..isn't it?
Just got a mail from Mark Bayle (owner of the lambs go bar,33 Greeves Street Fitzroy)
In it his wee 7 year old son said that he missed me,I just about welled over into tears in this scabby inter-nerd caff.
I am SOOOOO coming back to Australi,no fuck that Melbourne.
Gotta get some money under the old belt,and get back home.
Sucks.
It's not bad,it's just not there.
Love
Polx

Fucking nerds! AMI BIOS or NOT? -- found wandering around slack-jawed at morons.org after visiting Rotten News, which never ceases to amaze me. Someone should send them a link to the classic headline at The Age at the moment: Record heat and stupidity as Melbourne
swelters
. Maybe that someone is me.

Ambulance officers were left speechless with rage after treating four children who had been left locked in cars on a day when the mercury reached 43.9 degrees.
It's not a darwin award if you do it to your children! Come on, people!

Pol: Top effort. Maybe swap 'cos the Queen ain't gonna' with 'we wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire'. Just my $0.02. Anyone else wondering if his stoner sons have enlisted yet?

We are Australian,
We jump right in
World wars one and two.
Nuff said
God save Little Johnny,cos the
Queen ain’t gunna.
Standing at the cross roads
Shittin’ our pants.
One eye forward the other back
We are Australia
We’ll fall down the crack.

Work in Progress

Friday, January 24, 2003

Ocasionally the internet answers useful questions, such as why Bond villains employ dwarves. It's nice to know it has a purpose.

Thursday, January 23, 2003

Pol: Post your effort here and we'll forward it on, and take the credit if it wins anything. What happened to 710.77345? Also: the most embarrassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is have the rotten luck to get your own mother as an emergency teacher, or worse, a music teacher, for your class. I'm sure this is why I'm going grey, grind my teeth, and have involuntary fear responses when anyone starts singing impromptu around me. Here's a hint, friends: don't do it. :cP Also: Old people with mobile phones are probably drug dealers. You know, the coffin dodgers you hear about getting nicked for carrying more than their own body weight in E at the airport. Two words: Citizen's Arrest.

courtesy of Peter Kay,english comic.

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
fire in your back garden.

9) Everyone who has just read no.5 has just typed it into a calculator.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their
arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an
upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal his or her nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

Alex,does this Melbourne Weekly Times have a website....oooh ooh or secret hand shakes.
I shall endeavour to write an oath fot this.
Polx

Harry: On the other hand, the only true expatriate reply would have been something along the lines of: 'she'll have to put in a decent effort tomorrow if she wants to make up for my solid batsmanship this afternoon.' Yar boo sucks to baseball analogies.

Bill: Get better! Wandering around CERES in Brunswick is, like, great for your Qi, dude. If that fails, ritual sacrifice of puppies is a last resort.

Others: The Victoria branch of the Australia Day Committee has proposed an oath they want us to regurgitate on Australia Day, whether we're staring glumly at Glorious Supreme Leader Howard on the picturetube or standing around the ceremonial meat-like foodstuff incinerating peripheral. Against my better judgement I'm including it here.

We are Australian
We stand here proudly
Brave, strong, open and tolerant
We stand here equal,
Fair true and free
Together we will build the future
but we will not forget the past
We will stand together
We are Australian.

The Melbourne Weekly Times is running a competition to re-write this Oath, in part or all. "The oath is not just untrue; it is sickening. Where is the laid-back Australian approach, the scepticism, the satire, the things that supposedly distinguish us from America? That's where you come in, dear reader. We reckon you can do much better, and we're prepared to reward the best alternative oath with a $50 bottle of Australian wine chosen by our wine writer Jeff Gordon. Please keep the entries short and please give them some poetry, humour and spirit. Send them to Eat Your Oath Competition, The Melbourne Times, PO Box 208, Carlton South, 3053. Make sure you include your name, address and phone number." So the hired goons sniffing the mail at Australia Post know where to send the re-education squads, I presume.

Finally, here's a little reminder that if the US does jump the gun and start throwing rocks and sharp sticks at the Iraqis, there's every indication they'll be dropping illegally developed nuclear weapons too. Whenever our mainstream media boasts about the US's 'bunker-busting' capabilities, you'll notice in future that they don't mention the B61-11.

"Made in America." "Yeah. We're gonna make that *mean* something again!" -- Robocop 2

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

I am now available on
paul@muckyfoot.com
standing on the foreskin of technology
oh yeah

polx

Sunday, January 19, 2003

in reponse (well, sortof) mr sigerson.

someone asked me what base i'd got to with miss abbott.

and the only true nerd reply to that is: 'all her base are belong to me!'

While Oz sleeps I blog!!

that should read "I miss Australia",and not "Miss Australia"...although I would use my title to promote world peace.

Eve,yeah the horrible thing is that I am going to have to phone the bank in Aus to to arrange phone banking to then use said phone banking to transfer the appropriate sums to the right place.

Argh complex unlpeasentness.Could be worse though I cou;ld be trying to pay off sterling with A$'s,or other soft currency.
Bah.
I have yet to find a good coffe over here,they either make the huge girl coffe or the tiny ickle dark matter variety.
So I am getting a filter coffee anmd a double expresso and chucking them in together...will do for now.
Miss Australia,miss you all,britain feels a strange and alien plece to me.
I think I have made a mistake.
Not a life threatening one but an error none the less.
Kinky friedman was saying RoadKill (thanks Ian) that his earliest memory is of Danny Rosenthal getting out of a lake in the 1950's oblivious to the fact that a testicle was hanging in plain sight from the leg of his loose old style bathing costume.
Kinky then went on to say
"nowadays you don't see testicles hanging from bathing suits,tastes have changed"
I laughed so hard I thought I'd be sick.
As ever the yours from the furthest flung suburb of Melbourne,towhit me.
Polx
Vic 318889567422223

Harry!!...have you been off having filthy down below like what the french do?!!

bravo you dirty little man.

polx

Saturday, January 18, 2003

hello.

Friday, January 17, 2003

Strange giant cat sightings etc what's the world coming to, obviously they need a tumbleweed animation that I just happen to have handy cause nobody was posting, so umm here it is.



Bill hasn't been blogging cause GTA Vice City finally arrived yesterday, adn Harry hasn't been blogging because.. well, yes, and I have been cranking out fake websites and pitches at a rate of knots in the vain hope of getting somewhere... pol, we should swap, cause I am paying money to my scary UK Visa (oh, and mastercard) accounts because I'm too crap to save, and any time we are without work, rent money, food etcthey keep falling out of my purse and paying for stuff. oh well.

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

Oooh well looky here,Pol in work and in the office and on email..well we do't have a server yet but I do have a monitor and a seat etc.
So I count it as a coup!!
I have just transfered a scad of cash in A$ to my old account,now all i have to do is stay awake long enough one night to call them and try and get it moved over to the credit card visa bastards.
Not fun..or cheap.
Soif you get a call from me or on the noodleblog asking if one of you could pretend to be me if I sent the cards don't be surprised.
enough

polx

Giant Cat Eats Dog in Wales
Claims that a panther-like animal may be roaming the Black Mountains of Wales have been confirmed by a post mortem examination which showed that a dog was killed and partly eaten by a larger predator.

A Dyfed Powys Police spokesman said: "The post mortem examination and independent witness accounts are all adding to evidence that we have a large panther-like animal on the prowl. The DNA tests will hopefully be conclusive."

Police issued a warning to farmers not to go out alone in the dark after Michael Sheppard, 62, came face to face with the animal while searching for the whippet, which had been reported missing by its owner.

Mr Sheppard told police the cat was covered in blood and standing over the dog's body. (reg. req.)

via New World Disorder

I tried to blow my own trumpet once. Nearly slipped a disc. Aoooga!

Friday, January 10, 2003

you know - he's never been one to blow his own trumpet, but i think he's pretty damn cool.

so i'm forced to blow alex's trumpet for him. These pictures are very funny. And also disturbing.

Thursday, January 09, 2003

Light ... moving ... in time ...

More mashed up mp3s than you can poke a stick at.

Billy Joe Bob

publish

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

I've got bronchitis. that's why i've been coughing my lungs up for the past week :/

i've never had it before. it sucks!

Sunday, January 05, 2003

For Bill, and anyone else who's playing GTA3:VC at the moment: the degenatron! Via alt.religion.kibology.

Saturday, January 04, 2003

Ian,
'fraid not me dear,no birthday blessings at all.
did you send it to monkey_bike@hotmail.com the underscore is terribly important you know.
Love and speak with you all soon.
Polx
PS,after two months living with me mam and the first family xmas in 6 years,I am now titanically fat.
Snow outside,dunno whether it is deep n crisp n even,but I fear fro my top hat what with the urchins and their dratted snowballs and what not

Thursday, January 02, 2003

happy new year to you one and all.
Had a family Crimble and a quiet hogmany.
Am back in Newcastle getting on woth things.

Dull

Polx