Friday, October 31, 2003

today at feistynoodle we start a new series called "thank the insert deity's name here. To begin, we thank the insert deity's name here for Hunter S. Thompson.

Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side when he sees the big red light behind him...and then we will start apologizing, begging for mercy. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. The thing to do - when you're running along about a hundred or so and you suddenly find a red-flashing CHP-tracker on your trail - what you then want to do is accelerate. Never pull over with the first siren-howl. Mash it down and make the bastard chase you at speeds of 120 all the way to the next exit. He will follow. But he won't know what to make of your blinker-signal that says you're about to turn right. This is to let him know that you're looking for a proper place to pull off and talk...keep signalling and hope for an off-ramp, one of those uphill side-loops with a sign saying "Max Speed 25"...and the trick, at this point, is to suddenly leave the freeway and take him into the chute at no less than a hundred miles an hour.
He will lock his brakes at about the same time that you lock yours, but it will take him a moment to realize that he's about to make a 180-degree turn at this speed...but you will be ready for it, braced for the Gs and the fast heel-toe work, and with any luck at all you will have come to a complete stop off the road at the top of the turn and be standing beside your automobile by the time he catches up. He will not be reasonable at first...but no matter. Let him calm down. He will want the first word. Let him have it. His brain will be in a turmoil: he may begin jabbering, or even pull his gun. Let him unwind; keep smiling. The idea is to show him that you were always in control while he lost control of everything.

It helps to have a police/press badge in your wallet when he calms down enough to ask you for your license. I had one of these - but I also had a can of Budweiser in my hand. Until that moment, I was unaware that I was holding it. I had felt totally on top of the situation...but when I looked down and saw that little red/silver evidence-bomb in my hand, I knew I was fucked... Speeding is one thing, but Drunk Driving is quite another. The cop seemed to grasp this - that I'd blown the whole performance by forgetting the beer can. His face relaxed, he actually smiled. And so did I. Because we both understood, in that moment, that my Thunder-Road moonshine-bomber act had been totally wasted: We had both scared the piss out of ourselves for nothing at all - because the fact of this beer can in my hand made my argument about "speeding" beside the point.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

the noodlebob wrote.

I remember being a kid in primary school and thinking that to be a teacher, all you needed was a stapler, coloured chalk and an electric pencil sharpener.

I have had a look into it and turns out you were right. I'm off to get the chalk and a whole new career opens before me.

pol x

This may not be up for very long, but it's worth looking at Jamie Oliver's Calendar - puts a new twist on the naked chef!

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Ahh! Giant puppy! Via Even though I think Jason is a bit sucky, he still does good web.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

ooh, an electric pencil sharpener.... I remember being a kid in primary school and thinking that to be a teacher, all you needed was a stapler, coloured chalk and an electric pencil sharpener. Ooh, and corduroy. (child of the seventies.)

I thought about going to see radiohead... though I might just staple a pic of them to the fence at the back of the garden, play my radiohead cds loudly and tip beer on myself. And have the dogs running round to obstruct my view. Apparently, I could have gone to see the artist formerly known as symbol, but I had my Bennett's Lane mailing list emails set to "read on the web" adn I missed the one about "come down tonight and see Prince with about 9 other people in Bennett's Lane for $20" - doh!

ooh radiohead gig!....or far cheaper
wait until the black dog calls,
stay in with a big bottle of gin
and all the sad records you can think of.

actually i would seriously quite like that.

Ah what a lachrymose thing I am.

nothing as cleansing to the soul as a bloody great greet.

I bought an electric pencil sharpener.
you know when you've arrived.

pol x

Monday, October 27, 2003

$84? That's ten bucks less than tickets to see Prince.


(Er ... what does that make me?)

In other news ... o/` o/` BURN, HOLLYWOOD, BURN! o/` o/`Man, where's that Public Enemy tape when you need it?

radiohead: 26th April 2004 - rod laver arena
Tix go on sale November 3rd @ $83.60

i appear to have become sort of commercial-blogging-corporate-whore.

A bit of culture for you all... pretty pictures.


I understand that you dropped Jon a line,god bless you love.
He is a nice bloke a geordie and knows everytthing about web stuff.
He'll be working over there in that feild so could prove a useful contact or technical resource for gundog.

There's an ad over hereof the Diet coke man and the mechanic with the two tyres and the other beefcake pin ups..'cept they're all dead fat.
It's for Fray Bentos pies.

with the tag line

"we have all the pies"


Pol x

Saturday, October 25, 2003

buffy boxsets: $33 at kmart.
missing seasons 4 - 6 in my house.

not any more.

i feel so dirty.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

To be taken up the OXO tower it seems is a real strain on the old "back pocket"

How delightful.

And here is my friend Jon's email address. He being the soon to be probationary Melburnian.

Oxo Tower review here. Take a look at the 5th one down, starting "when my boyfriend...". Then read it again. And again, if you never watched Carry On films.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Spike Milligan quote of the day:

"The ideal cure for severe seasickness is to sit down under a tree"

Blogthis ate my monkey skull post. Can't be bothered to post full thingy again, but here's the gist of it. Exhibition. Skulls. Cute/disturbing monkey skull.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Well a friend of mine from Newcastle has just gotten himself a job in.......Melbourne.
So he has been picking my brains for details about my favourite place.
I have to say that I could do with a hand,so if anyone can gimme the addresses of any nifty sites that show Bearbrass/Batmania/Melbourne underbelly and all do pop them to me.
His names Jon Andrews and he is a hella nice fella.
So take advantage of him as he doesn't know the exchange rate!

pol x

Friday, October 17, 2003

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Bill: At least with the 'Big Marv Electric Chair' figure you can throw the switch on the fucker. Can you set Jimi's guitar on fire? Apparently Dexter (?) at Livid mashed up All Along the Watchtower with ... All Along the Watchtower. JIMI HENDRIX WALL OF SOUND ...

Harry: Get Yourself A Busch.

All: I met a girl! More news as it comes to hand. Er

Park Your RRR's Fundraiser at the Coburg Drive-In they're playing Once Upon a Time in Mexico, which doesn't get general release until early 2004, and it's a fundraiser for RRR and it's only $25 for a carload of people, so who's coming? (i mean, we can fit four in the bl?nk....)

THIS is what i want for christmas..... just in case you were wondering.......

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

fucking games industry!

read the new chuck palahnuik book: 'Diary' i reckon it's his best since invisible monsters.

got my first film festival rejection yesterday, for the homebrewed festival up in darpo. Pest control was accepted as one of the 20 finalists, so i'm kind of personally conflicted about the whole thing!

writing this strange sort of detective-noir-fairy-tale hybrid thing for an artist at work to illustrate. he asked me to write something in a particular style, so i did my best, and i think he's a little disappointed with what i've actually produced. still, beggars can't be choosers.

i wish i had more time to work on my novel.

has anyone else seen those pepsi adverts kicking around town with holly valance? i might be getting old & shit, but i think it's the first time i've ever been offended by advertising. it's the most base & crass attempt. hot chick + product = sales. it's like that old bill hicks joke about the coke advert they'd like to do: a naked chick on a stool, legs splayed, and a can of coke jammed between them.

i have to go to bed now.


Monday, October 13, 2003

My god, there's a film called Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story - frightening! I would almost watch that just for the laughs.. especially, as when kurt cobain died, yorkshire television decided to get a quote from the "local rock stars" and interviewed one of the band who was quoted as saying, "yeah, god's a rocker, he likes to take the musicians first - he took our drummer's arm..." Doh!

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Harry I had a really weird dream last night that you had this apartment in some docklands type place, like, right on the water, and a huge blue whale was splashing in the river and then smashed right into your window and me and liz and bill weren't in the way, but you were a bit to close to your swanky floor to ceiling windows, and a big shard of glass went right through your leg, so I had to dial 000 for the police, the firemen, the ambulance and the coastguard. And then purdey sneezed and I woke up. It was very exciting though.

Other wildlife news: did anyone hear that siegfried or roy (can't remember which one's which) was mauled by one of his own tigers?

AND the catholic church is telling everyone that condoms don't stop the spread of AIDS - can't be bothered to link, it's all over the news, so you should have seen it anyway.

AND, got this via an email so, again, no link, but anti-gay preacher Fred Phelps has announced intentions to erect a monument to Matthew Shepard the gay college student brutally murdered five years ago near Laramie. But, the monument will be no memorial. Phelps says the monument would be 5 to 6 feet tall and made of marble or granite. It would bear a bronze plaque bearing the image of Shepard and have an inscription reading "MATTHEW SHEPARD, Entered Hell October 12, 1998, in Defiance of God's Warning: 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is abomination.' Leviticus 18:22."

What is WRONG with people?

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Australians unhappy in their work and think bosses arse holes

who'd have thought...Mr Lancman?

Some of you may be interested to know that Tom Baker has let slip that Eddie Izzard may play the next Dr Who ...

... others may find the following image of the gun-toting, thinner huffing iraqi street kid ... disturbing. This article outlines the skyrocketing drug problem in Iraq at the moment:

"One type of tablet is called Lebanon - when I take it I see Lebanon. I've never been there, but it's in the tablet," he told Outlook.
(raping Boing Boing for content was never pretty.)

Man, I am loving the blogthis button on my IE google bar. Who cares about microsoft evilness when I have convenience?
Anyway, what I'm blogging are the Beard and Moustache Categories for the World Beard championchips. I particularly like the 80s boy band faces that they've used to illustrate the beards. And I also think the natural categories are a bit of a cop out - should a gentleman commit to fuzzing up in such a manner, he should at least use product or imagination.

Monday, October 06, 2003

you are covered in bees
he is covered in bees
she is covered in bees
we are covered in bees
they are covered in bees

if anyone feels inclined to help a mates boyf out by filling in a survey do so here

he's a bit short on time so all help appreciated.

Now 5 weeks with out a ciggie.

Pol x

I took a picture of the front of Harry's phone

Thursday, October 02, 2003

The Canadians finally get their own back on the Americans! Friends of Canadian Broadcasting - Tell Canadian Stories! is an initiative to promote Canadian content on Canadian TV...

"Canada has a lot of snow, but in our story it's cocaine."

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Eve, ta for the job ads me love,but the melbourne gig was was BrisVegas.
Ah well.
On Channel 4 in a wee while they are showing the secret life of us and I am appalled to relate that I am rather excited.
Saddo that i am.
love to you all

Pol x

Gin content 3 thai food content 7..BUUUUUURRRPPP

Miss you all me loves