Tuesday, May 29, 2001

Ahhh Terry Pratchett. See, the thing is, although I read a bunch of TP books (before he was churning them out faster than people could read them) none of the stories curled up and nestled comfortably into my psyche, as did HHGTTG and, indeed, the meaning of Liff.

On another note. Telling people they smell is generally quite funny. You can tell them they smell of poo and they get all indignant and you have a really funny argument. On the other hand, telling 500 angry bogan fishermen who are marching on parliament to have a tantrum about not being allowed to fish Victoria's coastline until it's entirely devoid of marine life that they smell will almost definitely land you in a nasty fight. So you'll be pleased to know I bit my tongue on that one. (Although I'm sure Purdey would have been pleased if I'd come home covered in blood and bits of whiting... )

Friday, May 25, 2001

Four- no, five! things...

  • Bill - don't cross post

  • A fifteen year old Nepali kid just climbed Everest...
    • I'm glad he was from Nepal - we'd never hear the end of it if it had been an Australian or an American kid. I dunno about Scottish kids, Harry, but all of the English kids' arms are too weedy...

    • I wasn't allowed to stay out after sometihng like 10.30pm when I was fifteen!! What the hell is the world coming to?!? (righteous indignation)

  • Apparently, Germany's last emperor, Kaiser Wilhelm II, was blackmailed by a German prostitute who threatened to expose his liking for kinky sex...

    • This guy was the grandson of a man who has a type of genital piercing named after him
    • These people were German, for chrissakes, what do you expect? (hey, Bill knows exactly what I mean.)

    • Umm, light bondage isn't actually a crime...

  • Phil the Greek has put his foot in it again and told national newspapers that "He regards Charles as precious, extravagant and lacking in the dedication ... to make a good king"... the author of the article also said Phil was "..by far the most intelligent member of the royal family".

    • Intelligent?! Wha? This is the man who told the Nigerian Secretary-General, who was wearing national dress "You look like you're ready for bed!"

    • Apart from the fact that I regard the entire royal family as parasites that should be stripped of all their titles and other guff and sent to live in one of the less salubrious suburbs of Birmingham (if you can think of anywhere worse, let me know) Prince Philip is hardly the best of the bunch and doesn't have room to talk (ever. EVER!)

  • I can do bullet points.

Thursday, May 24, 2001

you know, every now and then (witness the cockatoo swedish slot car set) I find something on the internet that i simply have to share with as many people as is humanly possible. This is one of them. Drawn to it by this article in X-Entertainment, I began browsing the hallowed halls of American Science and Surplus. Now I'm forever blue that my stay in Chicago will not be long enough to make a trip to the store itself. Forgive me, American Science and Surplus, I did not know the glory of your existence until today, and MY TICKET ARRIVED YESTERDAY AND IT'S ONLY 8 DAYS UNTIL I GET ON THE BIG SILVER BIRD IN SKY......

Wednesday, May 23, 2001

Nah. We're going to make racing games. Forever!!!

My thoughts about porn/sexism in games. It's a male dominated industry. That isn't going to change until you get women interested in *at least* playing games. And that isn't going to happen until people start producing games that a) aren't aimed at children, b) are marketed to people other than teenage boys and c) women kick their sons/boyfriends/brothers/husbands off the console/pc.

Women don't play games cause the men who plunge money into "Barbie's Shopping Adventure" et al don't realise that games aimed at the male/general market are generally playable by all ages, whereas games aimed at the female market are aimed at a very small niche, eg 8-10 or 11-13 age group. Women don't play these games cause - well - they're aimed at vacuous american spoilt pre-teens who think that choosing between a pair of rhinestone encrusted jeans in pink or purple denim constitutes a demanding intellectual exercise.
Another reason is that being female does not constitute a character type. "Yeah, there's Joe, he's a demolitions expert, Mike, he's an ex marine, Agamemnon, he's a cyborg with big trousers, and Jane. She's a girl..." With big tits, obviously.

*mutters something about having dark thoughts and wanders off, presumably to hit someone over the head and drag them back to her office*

Which link doesn't work, the cat lovers link or Plif? or is it that you're just bog, billyjoe? ;-)

Scathing article over at Salon about the mind boggling amounts of soft porn in the gaming industry. Hopefully fiestynoodle and her cohorts are going to bring this trend to its knees.

and that link doesn't work.

incidentally, my corporate firewall blocks PLIF, but not this.... go figure.

Tuesday, May 22, 2001

Uhoh... this one's not for cat lovers... *giggle*

Scary... the parking lot is full

Friday, May 18, 2001

I'll go see Moulin Rouge with you, Harry, but only cause I've heard there's chicks with corsets in it... *giggle*

Mr JoeBob, looks like you won't be present for the housewarming. Bummer.

Nicky + Mike + their last night in Austraya + Alex + Hannah + Billy + myself + (6 bottles of wine + ½ bottle vodka + 5 bottles cascade) ÷ 5 + chikkin laksa + thursday + 2am = (hangover + alarm clock + socks on teeth + sleepy + discombobulated + crazy dog) ÷ (cardigans + alka seltzer + couch + dvds)

Thursday, May 17, 2001

good idea....i was gonna go along chapel st 'cos they've got loads of cheap ass furniture shops & stoof along there & i've got my eye on a crappy table & chair set for my balcony :) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. why am i thinking about buying furniture? I OWN A COUCH FOR F**KS SAKE.....IT'S ALL GONE HORRIBLY WRONG.

- flatwarming 2, or 9th june....haven't decided yet.
- moulin rouge is out next thursday, anybody up for it? (or am the only one who thinks it'll be ok)

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

Feisty thinks Mr Harry should go garage sailing on the weekend - cause feisty and billyjoe picked up an ace coffee machine for $20 at a garage sale last saturday, and it rocks.

Tuesday, May 15, 2001

*takes the pot plant from feisty noodle*

very nice thank you :) even though i've no tv, or stereo, or fridge, or pots, or pans, or glasses, or cutlery, or anything.......bought a sofa though :) so it's not too bad.

might even have somebody to move in this weekend as well, which'd be nice.

Let me take this opportunity to formally invite you all to my flatwarming, coming soon, probably saturday in a few weeks :)

yay me.

Monday, May 14, 2001

How's the new place, Harry?

*hands Harry a pot plant*

Stunned. I think I have a bad case of jawcraig (damn, couldn't find the link to the deeper meaning of liff, but if I remember rightly, it means to pull a somewhat gormless face on hearing an astounding piece of news. A mysterious attack of jawcraig once happened to an entire flock of sheep in Wales.)

I'll miss you, Douglas Adams.

It is with great sadness that we hear of the passing of Douglas Adams. There will be a wake held at the noodle/bob house this evening, at which Scrabble will be played, and pggbs will be drunk. Dress as your favourite HHGTTG character (here's hoping that feistynoodle's coming as Trillian).

Friday, May 11, 2001

The Mummy Returns - pants, but somehow funky, amusing pants. But I'm still sticking to my theory of "No children in film". Unless it's The City of Lost Children, because they were cool, in a moody "French Children Are Merely Stunted Young Grown-ups" kind of way.

Thursday, May 10, 2001

OK gang, here is the info for TheMummyReturns - somebody tell me when to be where.......

I couldn't resist - I'm *trying* not to turn Feistynoodle into a dogblog, but I keep taking weird dog photos.... :-)

Wednesday, May 09, 2001

I'm not giggling right now, though... it hurts too much.
anyway, I had to do something irresponsible to make up for the fact that I'm now super responsible at work...

oooer... apparently feisty noodle's got a new job AND a new toy.... *giggle*

Harry, don't your parents live in Scotland?

Tuesday, May 08, 2001


my parents have gone on holiday to egypt.......so i know where there's an empty :)

mummy 2: yeah baby!!
rest of life: yeah baby!!
hangover: decidedly ungroovy.

count me in for mummy2

proving once again, how far ahead of the field i am with my comic genius.

Bees were an important comedy element in malcolm in the middle last night......at least 2 weeks after my introduction of bees as comedy animal.
They built a laser guided bee gun, which could fire bees at someone with the accuracy of a laser.......

HAHAHAHA, too slow though americans. I WIN!!!!!!!! 'cos i rock.

speaking of bees:
mummy 2 thursday, anybody up for it?

Monday, May 07, 2001

2001: A Space Odyssey.... a) now I know where those weird space nightmares I had as a kid come from and b)"odyssey" is not an easy word to spell.

On a related, "viewing spectacle" note: Did anyone see The Scarlet Pimpernel last night? It was so-oo bad. I'm really beginning to worry about Richard E. Grant's career; it looked like a bad case of the baby needs a new pair of shoes to me, and the script sounded like it was written by the people who write the Mills and Boon plot guides. I kinda have a soft spot for him, being that he was in the very brilliant Withnail and I, but I feel that - looking at his somewhat appalling sounding recent work via IMDB - somehow, the mighty have fallen... he needs to do something darkly comedic - and fast. Maybe there's room for an insane professoe/surgeon type in the next sequel to The Mummy...?

*then gets all maudlin about Paul McGann and his porcelain skin and gorgeous profile.... He'd better be good in Queen of the Damned...*

Thursday, May 03, 2001

2001: A Space Odessey = pants. boring. overlong. pretentious. I want to make a "billyjoebob cut" which will run for about 17 minutes and still include everything you need to see in order to grasp the (minimal) storyline.

Wednesday, May 02, 2001

You'll like this one, kids. It's about banks.

I have a direct debit, which goes out every month, when the Commonwealth Bank feel like it, to an account in the UK. I want to change the date it goes out and the amount that goes out. I think, a small child can do this, it's easy. But oh no, not at the Commonwealth Bank it isn't. I call the customer service number... (after finally getting through to an operator). You'll notice I represent the dialogue of the operator in babyshit brown.
- Hello, I'd like the address of the CBA in Rockingham, WA, please.
- May I take your name please?
- Eve. I just need the address, thanks.
- Great! Can I ask what it's regarding, please? (I don't know where the sudden burst of enthusiasm came from, but it surprised me too.)
- I want to change the details on a direct debit I have.
- Right, that number is 132221. (For those lucky enough not to bank with CBA, this is the number I rang.)
- Umm, I need the address.
- Do you need the phone number?
- Just the address please.
- OK, it's (blah blah) . Anything else I can help you with?
- That's it. Thanks for your help, bye!
- Could I interest y-?

It didn't stop there. I typed up the letter, looked at the address I'd been given, and it seemed wrong. Ok, it didn't occur to me that the CBA might actually move their branch, so I went on the internerd, and looked it up. Because that guy sounded like an oaf, right? I noticed it had a phone and fax number, so I called them and asked if I could send the changes to my direct debit via fax. Sure, no problem! Ok, I faxed it off, thinking that was not as painful as it could have been.
Ten minutes later, I get a phone call from the bank, (and I'm still irresponsible enough to be scared when I get phone calls from banks, police stations and lawyers) only for them to tell me that due to the Privacy Act (we still had one?!) they can't accept a fax, but I can go to my nearest local branch of the CBA and they'll be *able* to help me...

My point? I may not have thousands, but these people are looking after my money.

Be afraid, be very afraid...

well i figured it'd be funnier if it was a stealth operation & he just wakes up without it :)

You're gonna tranquilise him before you remove his prostrate? That's a bit magnanimous, don't you think?!

Well, if you need a hand...
*picks up razor wire connected to car battery*

Tuesday, May 01, 2001

i need a house

So...............ex-flatmate phones me up...i've got your bond.....but i need to take some money out of it for the reconnection of the phone......WAS IT MY FAULT IT GOT DISCONNECTED??????????? Don't think so..if i'd know about the bills i'd have paid them...... WAS I THE ONE WITH NO MONEY??????????????? AM I STILL LIVING THERE, USING THE PHONE?.......................Let me see......nope, 'cos i'm staying in a f**king bed & breakfast while life slips away.

I may well have to tranquilise him & remove his prostrate.....it's been a while since i've been this angry (at least a week)


I'm a good argument for gun control.

anyway, must be off to collect my bond & kill somebody.

Guess what, I just had a whinge about needing the pc with the 3DStudio Max licence on my desk, rather than 2 floors away and lo and behold, I've just been given a new puter!
Tomorrow I'm going to moan about not having a pet llama and on Thursday I'm gonna have a tantrum about needing a maclaren road car.

Well, it might work!


turns out that kungfujen is the only one who cares about me... poo to the rest of you

hey! it's nearly midday and i haven't gotten any email yet today.... somebody please send me some lovin or i may cry.

I have a theory that we need these people. Cause then you know that no matter how poor you are, or how bad your life gets, you still know you have better taste in music than those poor misguided fools.

And there is a pit in hell especially for the A&R people who promote that kind of music.