Sunday, September 29, 2002

Am too tired to put the required links in. Sorry.

Don't lick the origami.

Harry, the comic thing is terrific, congratulations!!! Hang on, that just doesn't look special enough....
(And a heads up to webmonkey for helping out there...)
In unrelated news, I had a nightmare that I was being chased by Ted Bundy, I thought about looking it up in a dream dictionary I have, but then realised that the dream dictionary was that old fashioned that it has entries for such modern contraptions as the gramophone and the motor car... so it might not have an entry for serial killers.

Have just watched a very strange show featuring such stuff as pony fetishes and male sex dolls.

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

job interview went badly. they had such insane requirements that i think they'll have real trouble finding anybody qualified.

the recruiter got 40 applications, and from those i was the only one even vaguely qualified. :) which is kind of nice.

so no job,

but my comic script has been accepted :)

soon i'll be a published writer.

people will be able to go into shop and buy something i've written.


Tuesday, September 24, 2002

i guess the opposite to my 10 minute rejection e-mail, would be the 10 minute acceptance...or at least the 10 minute promise of an interview.

i feel as though a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

and it has, because when i leapt up to answer the phone call from the agency, the dwarf i had perched there banged his head into the ceiling and got stuck.

i would let him down, but it's kind of funny seeing his pudgy legs kicking.

and occasionally poking him with a cattle prod.

that shuts the little bastard up.


i feel really good about this job, because it's short term, i've done exactly what they're looking for before, and...sometimes you just know things...sometimes they're bad...but sometimes they're ok.

everyone think +ve things on friday, around 11:00.

and i've just seen xXx, and it was ok, but it's given me a KICKARSE idea for an action flick. more later.

and beth orton's new album is great.

And with that he turns, swirling the cape up and around him. His hard steps echo around the room as he crosses to the door. The nameless guards swing it open, wood swishing against rough tiles. The cape catches the new born wind as he steps through. A single footfall sounds before he trips. "Shit," he mouths, falling.

The crunching sound signals the end of his nose.

Oh, and Purdey had acupuncture in her head. That was pretty funny to look at.

Some things I have learned:
The Lancome girls are nicer than the Chanel girls.
Noodle boxes are better than origami boxes.
Dogs are better behaved when they're not being prodded by the vet.
New puter is better than old puter.

That will be all.

Thursday, September 19, 2002

open letter to recruiters

Thank you for your prompt reply.

I wonder when I gave you permission to "keep my resume
on your confidential files", and how such actions
correlate to the Federal Government Privacy Act of

I am also grateful for the time you have so obviously
spent in vetting my application for suitability, and
thank you sincerely for spending so much effort exhaustively
examining my background, references and portfolio.


Bill Dennis

--- evil recruitment agency wrote:
> Thank you for your recent application.
> After reviewing all of the applicants, I believe
> that you have many of the relevant attributes but
> regret to advise that you have been unsuccessful on
> this occasion.
> This does not in any way reflect on your
> qualifications and experience, but rather we have
> been able to identify applicants whose skills are
> more closely aligned to our clients requirements.
> I will be keeping your resume on our confidential
> files and shall make contact with you should a
> potential opportunity arise.
> I appreciate your interest and wish you every
> success in the future.
> Yours sincerely
> evil nasty recruiter

here's part of the header of an automatically generated e-mail regarding a job application i made:

Received: from ([]) by with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.5.1877.647.64);
Thu, 19 Sep 200209:43:22 +1000

note the time.

and here's the header from the company's rejection:

Received: from ([]) by with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.5.1877.647.64);
Thu, 19 Sep 2002 09:54:41 +1000

god bless the internet, and all who sail in her.

Planes fly into buildings. Thousands of people die. Everybody sad. People decide to create a memorial. People feel better. People go to look at memorial. People feel worse.

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

i was flicking through the tv pages of the age today.

here's the summary for today's episode of everybody loves raymond:

8.00 Everybody loves raymond. US Comedy Series: Net Worth. Debra gets mad at ray.

now correct me if i'm wrong....

but that's the plot for every single fucking episode of that shit-kicking comedy series.


So, to help them along here's some i prepared earlier...

8.00 Everybody loves raymond. US Comedy Series: Ray whines like a little bitch.
8.00 Everybody loves raymond. US Comedy Series: Ray's brother whines like a taller little bitch
8.00 Everybody loves raymond. US Comedy Series: ray's parents behave in a manner inconsistent with their characters in a lame arse attempt to generate some level of sympathy for characters who, if you actually met, you'd stab in the face with a fucking skewer and laugh until your intestines fell out.
8.00 Everybody loves raymond. US Comedy Series: Ray's wife realises that ray is actually a whiny little bitch and divorces him, moves to spain, realises her dream of becoming an artist, and is finally happy.

I'm still here. Really, I am.

some notes from last night at the Lounge:

My New Filing Technique is Unstoppable

If you have time, read these; "Fighting", "Filing", and "Get Your War On".

The latest instalment, Page 14 of Get Your War On, will make more sense if you read the above first.

Anyone who played CS at IMH will probably blink if they look at this image: click here

Friday, September 13, 2002

so i went to speak to an agency yesterday...

and they critiqued my cv, and made some valid points, before sending me home with a thing they had about applying for jobs....

and there's a section on tarting up your cv, and i'm going through it because i've found a job writing software for radar control systems. which sounds cool.

and in this wonderful document there's the line:

"your objective must be to inform and excite the reader."

and it sits in my brain like a little splinter, making me feel uncomfortable, but unsure why...maybe i'd just rather people didn't get excited by my CV.

i don't think i'm cut out for the corporate world...but as long as someone employs me, and doesn't ask me to where a suit, i'll be fine.

Dirtied by Iraqi oil

Excuse me: I don't want to be tacky or anything, but hasn't it occurred to anyone in Washington that sending Vice President Dick Cheney out to champion an invasion of Iraq on the grounds that Saddam Hussein is a "murderous dictator" is somewhere between bad taste and flaming hypocrisy?

When Dick Cheney was CEO of the oilfield supply firm Halliburton, the company did $23.8 million in business with Saddam Hussein, the evildoer "prepared to share his weapons of mass destruction with terrorists."

So if Saddam is "the world's worst leader," how come Cheney sold him the equipment to get his dilapidated oil fields up and running so he could afford to build weapons of mass destruction?

Columnist Molly Ivins of the Texan 'Star Telegram'.

There's a Brown & Root office on St Kilda Rd if anyone feels like doing a poo in a paper bag.

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

The latest snippet from The Smoking Gun is pretty bizarre. If I ever try to rob a bank with an esky on my head, can someone slap me with a trout? (note: a bad pun lies ahead: fairly warned, be thee, says I.)

Someone's quiz code needs tweaking. I mean, really, I can't be THREE different kinds of fairy can I?

[Homer Simpson voice] Ooh! Look at me! I'm the Dark Fire Fairy Queen! With lollipop eyes and a candy cane! [/Homer Simpson voice]

Click here to take the quiz!

Saturday, September 07, 2002

new chuck palahniuk novel: lullaby

the frustrating thing is that it's a similar theme to one of the stories i was going to send off to those comic guys....


oh well!

Thursday, September 05, 2002

bikini karate babes

'nuff said

Monday, September 02, 2002


All Feistynoodle posters and readers are invitated to obswerve my ten-thousandth day on this woebegotten rock tomorrow afternoon, Tuesday the Turd of September, so.

Venue: Sahara Bar, because it is a trendy joint what used to have an antique Pac Man machine and difficult to get to if you don't know where to look. It's up the stairwell just to the right of Revival on Swanston St in the city. Near all them technical bookstores and stuff. It's opposite the bomb-site (is this a culturally insensitive expression to use in this allegedly enlightened age? I mean, THINK OF THE FLECHETTES) building site between Little Lonsdale St and Lonsdale St (on Swanston).


ignore the bullseye. it is bullsarse.

I wonder if this will work. People should pronounce 'work' like they pronounce 'pork'. It would make things easier.

So to recap:

Sahara Bar
L1 301 Swanston St Walk
TIME: 6:30pm onwards

An early one so there'll be no bullshit 'but it's a school night' excuses. 'You gave late notice' excuses will be valid, however.

Sunday, September 01, 2002

allo everyone.

first things first:

imh made me redundant on friday, i have 3 months to find a new job or leave the country. the thing is, only a few days before they said, in our miib post mortems: "nobody from imh is losing their jobs!"


and in other news:

austin powers opening night fundraising screening.

to raise money for a short film a group of us are making, we're holding a fundraising night at 9:30 on thursday 19th september at the george cinema. tix are $12.50. if you want one you can email me here.

and with that.

he was gone.