AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH

do i have some kind of fucking sign on my head that reads:

Depressed?
Suicidal?
HARRY WILL LISTEN?

what.

the.

fuck.

for the second time since coming here, i've had to talk people down.....i don't know what i'm doing! i have no idea why you shouldn't fucking kill yourself. do it..stop whinging about it..and fucking do it.

third times the charm....if only i could find them :)

anyway, let me take this opportunity to officially distance myself from all other mentally ill people who might want a shoulder to cry on...yes it's hard...yes you will feel like nobody cares, and it's not that i dont, but i have problems of my own...however, i will do my best, but if you want to die...you will die. i've been there & it sucks, but there are ways through it...you just have to find them. and sorry, but there is no magic bullet, or fairy, or easy solution...you're gonna have to do some work.

rargh.

on a happier note: :-)

i think i might have decided to stay.
although my reasoning is pretty flawed, but it offers valuable insight into my head :)

me and my parents, who are here for a week, were sitting in the daimaru building, having a drink. just outside the big towery thing. they were talking about their breakfast in the b&b where they're staying and my mum mentioned how she really liked the bread they'd had that morning..it had yellow bits and she thought it might have been soy bread.

that's when it hit me.

i don't want to live somewhere that i don't have ready access to different kinds of bread...even though i have these weird food-anxiety related things and can't really go to restaurants properly yet...

i'd still rather live somewhere that soy bread was a normal occurence. not a glitch.

so yeah, feel free to completely question my sanity..i know many people at tonights nanodrinko did :-) but it's better than just basing it on the shifting of the clouds.