Harry: On the other hand, the only true expatriate reply would have been something along the lines of: 'she'll have to put in a decent effort tomorrow if she wants to make up for my solid batsmanship this afternoon.' Yar boo sucks to baseball analogies.

Bill: Get better! Wandering around CERES in Brunswick is, like, great for your Qi, dude. If that fails, ritual sacrifice of puppies is a last resort.

Others: The Victoria branch of the Australia Day Committee has proposed an oath they want us to regurgitate on Australia Day, whether we're staring glumly at Glorious Supreme Leader Howard on the picturetube or standing around the ceremonial meat-like foodstuff incinerating peripheral. Against my better judgement I'm including it here.

We are Australian
We stand here proudly
Brave, strong, open and tolerant
We stand here equal,
Fair true and free
Together we will build the future
but we will not forget the past
We will stand together
We are Australian.

The Melbourne Weekly Times is running a competition to re-write this Oath, in part or all. "The oath is not just untrue; it is sickening. Where is the laid-back Australian approach, the scepticism, the satire, the things that supposedly distinguish us from America? That's where you come in, dear reader. We reckon you can do much better, and we're prepared to reward the best alternative oath with a $50 bottle of Australian wine chosen by our wine writer Jeff Gordon. Please keep the entries short and please give them some poetry, humour and spirit. Send them to Eat Your Oath Competition, The Melbourne Times, PO Box 208, Carlton South, 3053. Make sure you include your name, address and phone number." So the hired goons sniffing the mail at Australia Post know where to send the re-education squads, I presume.

Finally, here's a little reminder that if the US does jump the gun and start throwing rocks and sharp sticks at the Iraqis, there's every indication they'll be dropping illegally developed nuclear weapons too. Whenever our mainstream media boasts about the US's 'bunker-busting' capabilities, you'll notice in future that they don't mention the B61-11.

"Made in America." "Yeah. We're gonna make that *mean* something again!" -- Robocop 2