The Bad Sex award shortlisted passages.

From : Bunker 13 by Aniruddha Bahal (Faber & Faber)
She picks up a Bugatti's momentum. You want her more at a Volkswagen's steady trot. Squeeze the maximum mileage out of your gallon of gas. But she's eating up the road with all cylinders blazing. You lift her out. You want to try different kinds of fusion.

From: The Sucker's Kiss by Alan Parker (Sceptre)
...true to her Scottish roots, she sucked away like she was the last person left on earth to play the bagpipes on Robbie Burns' birthday.

From: Eleven Minutes by Paolo Coelho (HarperCollins)
As he simultaneously penetrated and touched me, I felt that he was doing this not only to me, but to the whole universe. . .