it's not about being clever. it's about trying to figure out my place in the world.

whatever that means.

> Go and see about the drug don't sit there in your ivory tower of misery biting the bullet.

i'm not ignoring it like that. i'm engaging with it, seeing a counsellor and actively trying to figure out *why* i feel the way i do sometimes. that "it is just a story" thing is *really* important to me, in terms of my world view and self image and stuff. i wish i could let you see the shift that's happened in my head from that, but you're going to have to make do with the words.

and i don't enjoy it. the pain i mean, and that's why i've been trying to deal with it. in my own way. and i think it's working, i just think that along the way things have been scary and hard.

anyway, that's all i want to say about the whole thing.

thanks for putting up with the venting & stuff.

harry.