A point on names for people's bits, rather, an anecdote on familial anatomatical observations:

The mother of an ex-housemate of mine told me a peculiar story about a friend of hers, the mother to a five-year-old. Apparently this woman doted on and perceptively spoilt said infant to the point of indulgence. Case in point was the child taking off its nappy, not to pee and poo 'Pollock' style on the wall, but to commence masturbating, in front of a small group of the mother's friends, including TMOAEHOM. Does the mother quickly scoop up the infant, excuse herself from the room and defuse the situation with a comment along the lines of "It's just a phase" or "goodness me he's never done that before!" or even "My, what a quick learner!"?

Of course not.

"Does that feel good darling?". Does that feel good, darling. I'm having flashbacks to Spanking The Monkey. It makes one wonder if there is such a thing as acceptible sexual behaviour in children under the age of 10, but how else do kids learn about their bodies? Once the child is 10 or 15 one would hope it knows not to whip it out and beat off in polite company.

Don't start the boys on willy euphemisms, Eve, or we'll never hear the end of it! (Boom Boom.)

Purple-headed womb broom? The wet war wanger? Roger's Profanisaurus c/- Viz can be relied upon for a great many willy and woo-woo euphemisms. I still like Mrs Cartman's explanation of the Birds and Bees to Cartman: "... and then he put his hoo-hoo dilly in Mommy's cha-cha!"