Shutit Abbott!

Just 'cos i'm half way around the world doesn't mean i can't kick your ass.

...

Over here there's this show called 'The Swan' and in keeping with the forthcoming apocalypse it works like this:

Take 12 women of varying attractive levels. Some are just plain. Some have bad skin, or bad teeth, or one boob slightly smaller than the other.

Take them away from their family, their friends, their entire support network. Take away any mirrors, and then subject them to 3 months of plastic surgery, therapy, working out, bleeding, pain, and uncertainty about how a bunch of anonymous doctors and dental technicians have decided they should look.

(choice quote: "Great boobs by the way. I'm just going to do an implant here to even them up.")

After They're all healed, invite 2 of them to look in a mirror, applaud at the amazing transformation to beauty queen, and then decide which of the pair is the most attractive and will go onto the end of show beauty pageant.

Rinse and repeat until you're down to half.

Hold a beauty pageant filled with regular people who've undergone a *crazy* amount of surgery and crown the winner 'The Swan.'

:/

There's a strange obsession with plastic surgery going on here, and it's really contradictory. On one hand you have shows proclaiming the dangers of silicone injections into your face, and on the other you have shows following older models and their trips to surgery. Sometimes you get both on the same show.

I have seen the future, and it's completely unable to move any of it's facial muscles.