When you come across something like this on lowbrow, you know you have to blog it:
Helium Shoes
At the dinner table, I show my fianc?e my new sneakers, and mention that they're very light.
She hefts one: 'Wow, nice, but nowhere near as light as my dad's helium shoes.'
Me: '???'
She: 'When I was 10, my Dad came home with a pair of really light shoes. He explained that the manufacturer injected compressed helium into them, so they weighed almost nothing.'
Me: 'Compressed helium?' I look over at her Dad (LowBrow keyword: 'You've been fucking my daughter!'). He hasn't accepted me at all yet, but at least he has the grace to blush and avert his eyes.
Me: 'Annie. Why would compressed helium be lighter than air?'
Across the table, Dad loses it. Twelve years later, somebody found him out. Annie is stricken. It was one of her favourite childhood stories.

It made orange juice come out of my nose.